Faith for the Journey: Choosing what is better

I had a realization this morning while cooking breakfast.

In thinking about life after treatment for multiple GI issues and hormone imbalances, I wondered about how to not backslide into the old bad habits that led to poor health in the first place.

I worry that if I eventually have more energy again, that I will go back to trying to do allllll the things and then some, that I’ll go back to eating poorly, that I will put some other thing or activity in place of God again.

These thoughts came up in a counseling session a few weeks back, and my counselor assured me it would be quite hard for me to backslide that hard and forget everything I have been learning.

I try not to allow these thoughts air-time in my brain for very long, but I feel them in the background gnawing at me.

A few months back I had an encounter with Mary of Bethany. She appears in three different stories of the Bible, and in each story, she is at the feet of Jesus. Ever since I read all three stories I keep thinking about her.

I keep being drawn back to one single verse about Mary in Luke 10:42. Jesus and his disciples were on their way somewhere when Martha opened her home to them. Martha was busy preparing the food for all her guests, and was frustrated that her sister Mary sat at Jesus’ feet listening to his teachings and not helping her with the preparations. When Martha asked Jesus to get Mary to help her, he told Martha she was upset about many things… “but few things are needed--or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Mary has chosen what is better.

Mary CHOSE.

She didn’t trip and fall near Jesus, then just sit there. She wasn’t there by accident.

Mary CHOSE what was better! 

AND! 

It would not be taken from her.

My realization this morning was this:

In life after treatment, I can also choose what is better!

AND!

It will not be taken away from me!

If I had to guess, 90% of my health issues have been caused by anxiety and stress over a period of several years.

I think one contributing factor to my anxiety is that I was never taught stress coping techniques.

I believe another contributing factor is our American culture. Amongst other things, we seem to value high productivity, putting work above oneself, being independent (which of course requires a good job and making lots of money), and being ‘perfect’. If that’s not a recipe for way too many responsibilities, unrealistic expectations, and maxed out capacity then I don’t know what is!

Maybe it’s just me, but from being immersed in mainstream TV and marketing from a young age it seemed like if I didn’t have all my ducks in a row and look good doing it then something was wrong with me. If I didn’t have a house, husband, at least one kid and a dog by 25 then I was damaged goods (some guy on a plane actually said those words to me…’girl, you’re damaged goods). That my worth was tied to my relationship with a man and what material goods I could collect.

And I believed all of it!

I remember talking about life balance in college and in my early years of working and wondering why I didn’t have it. Cause to have all your ducks in a row and look good doing it you had to have balance, right?  Like balance was a thing that just happens. Like balance is a thing that is magically bestowed upon you.

If you have ever done balancing poses in yoga, then you know balance doesn’t just happen. The people who tend to have the best balance in class make balance a practice. That means they do it repeatedly and get good at it. Balance isn’t an accident.

Why yes, I did take this photo just for this post in my PJ's.

 Just keeping it real, y'all!

Do I get bonus picture points for Maizey doing

 downward dog in the background?

One of the big skills I’m learning right now, in my mid-thirties, is how to set boundaries. Man, I wish someone had told me about healthy boundaries when I was in high school! I believe it is the single biggest thing I could have done to prevent stress.

Much like balance, boundaries are a practice. Boundaries also take work to set an maintain. It’s not like a boundary is taping a sign to yourself that says ‘I do not go out after 7pm on week nights’, and then everyone sees and is like ‘ok, cool’.

There will always be things to do and people asking me to do them. It’s within my right to say no and choose what is better.

Dear Reader, in the event you are also interested in learning about boundaries, my counselor recommended an awesome book that I would also highly recommend (even though I’m only part way through it): Boundaries by Townsend and Clouds

In Luke 10:42, the better thing that Mary is choosing is the word of God. Mary Is choosing Jesus over expectations of the world and of other people.

I have only been a Christian for about three and a half years. I have spent about two and a half years of that time struggling with health issues. I see how God is using this time to unwind all my previous misconceptions of what was required of me. I don’t have to be independent and highly productive and ‘perfect’. I’m not damaged goods because I got married at 32. My worth is not tied to my marital status or the expectations placed on me.

My worth is tied to God and who He created me to be for the good works He has prepared for me.

It is so humbling to look back on where I was and where I am now. That Jesus, the good shepherd, would leave the 99 sheep to pursue me. And not only did He pursue me, but He would and love me right where I was at, even though I was a sinner and had not yet placed my faith in Him. That I was worth so much to Him that He would give His life for me.

Jesus gave His life willingly for me, and loves me even though:

•       I can no longer hold a job
•        I don’t have energy anymore
•        My hair is falling out
•        My hormones are messed up
•        My digestive tract is messed up
•        I get irritable when I don’t sleep
•       I can no longer do what the world expects
•       Etc.

He loves me for me, right where I’m at. My worth comes from being a daughter of God, not from my physical condition, and not from meeting expectations of the world.

To finally be at a place where I know that logically AND emotionally/spiritually is priceless. It also allows me to feel a tremendous amount of freedom, because I can reject the expectations of the world/other people and really embrace the expectations God has for me.

The freedom that is given by God allows me to choose what is better.

And you know what?

    It will not be taken away from me.