Faith for the Journey: Choosing what is better

I had a realization this morning while cooking breakfast.

In thinking about life after treatment for multiple GI issues and hormone imbalances, I wondered about how to not backslide into the old bad habits that led to poor health in the first place.

I worry that if I eventually have more energy again, that I will go back to trying to do allllll the things and then some, that I’ll go back to eating poorly, that I will put some other thing or activity in place of God again.

These thoughts came up in a counseling session a few weeks back, and my counselor assured me it would be quite hard for me to backslide that hard and forget everything I have been learning.

I try not to allow these thoughts air-time in my brain for very long, but I feel them in the background gnawing at me.

A few months back I had an encounter with Mary of Bethany. She appears in three different stories of the Bible, and in each story, she is at the feet of Jesus. Ever since I read all three stories I keep thinking about her.

I keep being drawn back to one single verse about Mary in Luke 10:42. Jesus and his disciples were on their way somewhere when Martha opened her home to them. Martha was busy preparing the food for all her guests, and was frustrated that her sister Mary sat at Jesus’ feet listening to his teachings and not helping her with the preparations. When Martha asked Jesus to get Mary to help her, he told Martha she was upset about many things… “but few things are needed--or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Mary has chosen what is better.

Mary CHOSE.

She didn’t trip and fall near Jesus, then just sit there. She wasn’t there by accident.

Mary CHOSE what was better! 

AND! 

It would not be taken from her.

My realization this morning was this:

In life after treatment, I can also choose what is better!

AND!

It will not be taken away from me!

If I had to guess, 90% of my health issues have been caused by anxiety and stress over a period of several years.

I think one contributing factor to my anxiety is that I was never taught stress coping techniques.

I believe another contributing factor is our American culture. Amongst other things, we seem to value high productivity, putting work above oneself, being independent (which of course requires a good job and making lots of money), and being ‘perfect’. If that’s not a recipe for way too many responsibilities, unrealistic expectations, and maxed out capacity then I don’t know what is!

Maybe it’s just me, but from being immersed in mainstream TV and marketing from a young age it seemed like if I didn’t have all my ducks in a row and look good doing it then something was wrong with me. If I didn’t have a house, husband, at least one kid and a dog by 25 then I was damaged goods (some guy on a plane actually said those words to me…’girl, you’re damaged goods). That my worth was tied to my relationship with a man and what material goods I could collect.

And I believed all of it!

I remember talking about life balance in college and in my early years of working and wondering why I didn’t have it. Cause to have all your ducks in a row and look good doing it you had to have balance, right?  Like balance was a thing that just happens. Like balance is a thing that is magically bestowed upon you.

If you have ever done balancing poses in yoga, then you know balance doesn’t just happen. The people who tend to have the best balance in class make balance a practice. That means they do it repeatedly and get good at it. Balance isn’t an accident.

Why yes, I did take this photo just for this post in my PJ's.

 Just keeping it real, y'all!

Do I get bonus picture points for Maizey doing

 downward dog in the background?

One of the big skills I’m learning right now, in my mid-thirties, is how to set boundaries. Man, I wish someone had told me about healthy boundaries when I was in high school! I believe it is the single biggest thing I could have done to prevent stress.

Much like balance, boundaries are a practice. Boundaries also take work to set an maintain. It’s not like a boundary is taping a sign to yourself that says ‘I do not go out after 7pm on week nights’, and then everyone sees and is like ‘ok, cool’.

There will always be things to do and people asking me to do them. It’s within my right to say no and choose what is better.

Dear Reader, in the event you are also interested in learning about boundaries, my counselor recommended an awesome book that I would also highly recommend (even though I’m only part way through it): Boundaries by Townsend and Clouds

In Luke 10:42, the better thing that Mary is choosing is the word of God. Mary Is choosing Jesus over expectations of the world and of other people.

I have only been a Christian for about three and a half years. I have spent about two and a half years of that time struggling with health issues. I see how God is using this time to unwind all my previous misconceptions of what was required of me. I don’t have to be independent and highly productive and ‘perfect’. I’m not damaged goods because I got married at 32. My worth is not tied to my marital status or the expectations placed on me.

My worth is tied to God and who He created me to be for the good works He has prepared for me.

It is so humbling to look back on where I was and where I am now. That Jesus, the good shepherd, would leave the 99 sheep to pursue me. And not only did He pursue me, but He would and love me right where I was at, even though I was a sinner and had not yet placed my faith in Him. That I was worth so much to Him that He would give His life for me.

Jesus gave His life willingly for me, and loves me even though:

•       I can no longer hold a job
•        I don’t have energy anymore
•        My hair is falling out
•        My hormones are messed up
•        My digestive tract is messed up
•        I get irritable when I don’t sleep
•       I can no longer do what the world expects
•       Etc.

He loves me for me, right where I’m at. My worth comes from being a daughter of God, not from my physical condition, and not from meeting expectations of the world.

To finally be at a place where I know that logically AND emotionally/spiritually is priceless. It also allows me to feel a tremendous amount of freedom, because I can reject the expectations of the world/other people and really embrace the expectations God has for me.

The freedom that is given by God allows me to choose what is better.

And you know what?

    It will not be taken away from me.

Faith for the Journey: Cherries

This experience occurred on July 5, 2018. I wrote it down a few days later.

________________________________________________________________________________

The neighborhood in which I live has a pool at the center of it, and around the pool there are different kinds of fruit trees that have been planted.

About a week ago while walking the dogs I noticed that the cherry trees were bearing fruit, and I picked a few to eat as we walked by. The cherries were bitter tasting, not ones you’d want to go and pick more of.

Later that night, out of curiosity, I consulted google about bitter cherries. To my surprise, I found that there are several varieties of sour cherries, and that the cherry trees in our neighborhood were indeed of the sour variety.

I then did what any other food loving person would do: I researched how one could bake with sour cherries.

I found a few great recipes, but one stuck out. I had found a recipe for a sour cherry clafoutis, which is kind of like a fruity quiche/custard. I told my husband that the next day we needed to go and pick a bunch of cherries. We noticed that there were a bunch of cherries that weren’t ripe yet, but would be ripe after several days.

We came back with about 5 pounds of cherries and I made the sour cherry clafoutis, and it was amazing!

Knowing that there would be more cherries that would ripen, I waited several days to go back.

As I approached the trees for my second round of picking, I noticed how heavy the branches were with fruit, and how the bright red cherries contrast so nicely with the dark green leaves.

I thought to myself ‘Oh, to bear spiritual fruit like that!’

What would it be like to abide in Jesus so deeply, that spiritual fruit would hang in glorious abundance?

As I picked, there were other thoughts:

‘look how plentifully He provides!’

‘I have so many cherries, what will I do with them all?’

‘There are so many more cherries I’m not picking….I’ll have to come back another day to pick more’

‘With such a bountiful harvest, wouldn’t it be great to share with others instead of hoarding all these cherries for myself? Will they not create more joy when shared vs stored in my freezer?’

I returned home with all the cherries I could carry.

The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

At the time, I was in the middle of a health crisis and couldn’t fathom how one could experience all the fruits of the spirit when you are experiencing trials. Specifically joy. James talks about rejoicing when you experience trials of any kind, but I had no idea how to do that.

I wasn’t sure I even really understood what Joy was in the Christian sense, so I googled it. I ended up finding a short, 6 part series by John Piper where he defines joy, and talks about other facets of joy, including thoughts about joy in suffering.

The videos gave me a new way to view the trial that I was in, and that helped me to be receptive to future teachings that would experience.

Faith for the Journey: Ripples

This experience occurred on June 4, 2018. I wrote it down a few weeks later. I didn’t know it then, but this would be the foundation for many teachings that would come over the next few months.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Sometimes being a step-parent is hard. 

Sometimes it’s hard AND painful.

Step-parent pain was the place I found myself in on a Monday morning. When you have truly adopted a child in your heart, sometimes the reminders that they are not yours, and will never be, cause a deep ache.

I was taking my stepdaughter and her friend to target that morning after a sleepover, and I knew I needed to hear from Jesus. On the way back home, I took a detour to a natural area with ponds. I don’t remember if I went with a question, or just with a pain in my heart.

It was a beautiful day; the sky was clear and bright blue. I parked my Jeep and walked the crunchy gravel path to the closest pond.  There was a slight breeze, which tousled the leaves of the trees, creating an intermittent rustling noise. Upon arriving at the water, I felt prompted to take my shoes off and walk around in the water.

Walking around in the water is not something I normally do if I’m not going swimming. Your feet get wet, then sand and dirt sticks to your feet and you have no way to wipe them off because there’s no towel. The worst part is you then you have to put your shows back on with sandy feet. It’s really not my thing.

But then there was the persistent tug: take your shoes off…walk in the water.

I thought to myself ‘why not’? If this is the Holy Spirit talking to me, I would like to be obedient. If it’s not, well, sandy shoes aren’t the worst thing to happen in life.

So, I slipped my Keens off, put down my purse and ventured out into the water. I walked back and forth a bit on the shore, noticing the way the shadows of the trees didn’t just sit on the surface of the water, the shadows went to the surface on which I was walking.

After a minute or two I walked out of the water, sat down, and looked up. No longer focusing on the shadows where my feet had been, I looked out across the pond and saw that the ripples created by my walking along the shore had reached the other side of the pond.

Then this realization hit me: when we walk with Jesus, we create ripples! Ripples that others can see!

Just as soon as the realization had crossed my mind, two fish in the middle of the pond came up to the surface and created ripples of their own. Without thinking, I jumped to my feet and started stomping wildly so that the ripples they made wouldn’t get to the shore on which I was sitting. It took a lot of stomping to diffuse the fish ripples.

The next realization came: when we stop walking with Jesus, ripples from other things or people are more likely to get to us and affect us. At that point, we have to work much harder in our walk to not be affected.

Seeing that the fish were active, I stayed in the water, walking in place. The ripples I created were consistent this time because I kept my feet moving. This time when the fish surfaced, the ripples they created were diffused farther away from the shore on which I was walking because I was continuously sending out ripples.

Then came the final realization: when we walk with Jesus consistently, things of the world don’t affect us as much, because being with Him creates ripples that are stronger than those of the world.