When did I 'grow up'?!

A few days before my 26th birthday, I decided it would be a good idea to look into buying a house. There were several reasons for this, including the tax credit and the sewage that periodically wells up in the down stairs sink.

Anyway, for the last two weeks I've been really gung-ho on looking for houses on the internet. It's all I've been doing after work, and since I normally equate computer research with work it feels like I've been working really long days for the past two weeks.

I didn't realize how hard it was lookng for houses! It seems like everytime I'm remotely interested in something, there is a pending contract. It's a little discouraging and irritating, but I guess that's how the game is played.

When I mentioned to someone recently that I was looking into houses, they said something like 'wow, your a grown up!'

I thought, oh shit! When did this happen?

One of the big reasons I started looking into houses was the tax credit, which equals money. I have tried hard not to let money be a main focus in my life.

I work hard, I get paid, I pay my bills, there's money left over for some fun stuff- I'm good with that. It was never a goal of mine to be a millionaire or anything. I really just want to be able to take care of myself.

Since I've moved to Colorado, I have vehemently said that I didn't need or want to buy a house of my own. I was also traveling quite frequently and felt like I would have to do everything alone. Both of those situations have changed.

I have neglected all sorts of relationships and life tasks the past two weeks while I was consumed with house hunting and I'm rather disgusted with myself for it.

I am someone who is very sensitive to outside energies, and sometimes it feels like I'm tapping into other energies when it comes to the whole house thing.

I don't need to own a house. A house wont comfort you when your down, or hold your hand or go on a hike with you. There isn't much of a relationship with a building.

While I believe buildings can have their own spirits and energies, it is not a replacement for a human connection.

I'm afraid getting too wrapped up in this and am loosing sight of the things that are truly important. At the moment this is completely evident to me. Sometimes it is not.

It's time for me to take a step back-from everything- and prioritize. This process can be greatly facilitated by keeping events in a day book and sticking to it- I know in the past it's been one of the only ways to keep myself straight and sane.

For me,it's always good to write these sorts of thougts out, it's helps to solidify my intentions.

Have a fabulous weekend everybody!

Quick Update

I realized I haven't blogged in a while!

Here's some random mind spew:

Beltania was AWESOME- 3 day pagan festival (it deserves it's own blog at some point!)

I got a reading done a while back that helped explain some of the trust issues I have. Apparently it's mostly past life stuff that I have to work through. Beltania helped me start to heal trust of community.

I was given lilacs last night...they are wonderful and purple and smell oh so nice.

I'm starting to get more creative again.

I'm coming out of a couple month funk ( :) )

Belly dancing is fun.

As of tomorrow at 4 a.m. (May 14th), I'll have been living in Colorado for 2 years!

Not all people play mind games (intentional or unintentional), and I have to learn to stop anticipating peoples reaction's to the things I do or say.

Lunch was really yummy- pasta primavera made with quinoa noodles....mmmmm

And now I have to get back to work!

Light and love to you all :)

Tea Party

I hosted my first tea party today! I was so excited to have my friends over- I know I really enjoyed myself, and I think everyone else did too:)

I think tea parties will become a regular thing at my house.

I hope everyone has a lovely Sunday!

GARRRR

I'm really frustrated. I just spent a freaking hour trying to figure out how to enter some things for my taxes. I am normally not that dense, but I've barely been sleeping lately.
I went to bed around 2am last night and was woken up by the bastard train conductor at 6:30am.
The past 3 or 4 nights I haven't been going to bed until around 1am and getting up around 7:45am.
Before that, I would "sleep" from about 11pm until about 7:45am. When I say sleep, I was technically not conscious, but I didn't really rest either.

When I wake up I feel like I can't get out of bed. When I finally do get out of bed I'm fine and am not particularly tired during the day, but I just don't feel right.

I'M SO FRUSTRATED WITH ME RIGHT NOW!

I can't put into words all the abstract thoughts that are floating by at the moment....I just want to feel normal again.

GARR:/

Turning over a new leaf

Warning: I will be rambling.

It's spring! Friday is the Spring Equinox, the day where light and dark are equal. Days following the equinox get longer, meaning more light! Plants are blooming, trees are budding, birds are singing...everything is coming to life again, and in a way I feel that I am also.
The past few weeks I've had the spring cleaning urge. This year I'm cleaning with Feng Shui principals in mind to get better chi into my house and into my life. I've been doing different Feng Shui fixes around the house the last few weeks and I'm really starting to notice a difference in the way I feel and the way events are happening.
While I'm enjoying cleaning the house and rearranging things, I think I've been staying too close to home. Some times I feel like I shouldn't leave the house...I almost feel guilty about it, as weird as that sounds.
Tonight I went swing dancing in Denver with a friend of mine. When he first asked if I wanted to go I was really hesitant- I figured I would be akward, it was a sunday night, and it was in Denver. After some prodding from a few people I decided to go, and I'm really glad I did. I wasn't akward at all! Actually I thought I picked up the moves pretty quickly and that I did pretty well. I can't remember the last time I had that much fun.
I feel like I am at a turning point now, I have been clearing out the old to make way for the new, and the new has started to roll in! The new is new people, new experiences, new strength, and new energy.

I'm excited! Lots of love to you alllllll:)

Self Perception

Self perception can be a touchy topic depending on the person. I don't believe myself to be particularly touchy about most things, but I must admit I'm a little...confused about somethings I recently saw on facebook.

Here's the deal, you add this image as a photo in a photo album then tag the little characters with your friends who most closely match the personalities listed.



In photo to the right I was tagged as the evil mastermind.



In the photo to the left I was tagged as the one that's up to no good.

Now, I don't think of my self as an evil mastermind, and I certainly don't believe that I'm always up to no good.

In fact, I'm a little bit hurt/offended.

I realize that this may sound a little silly, I mean, it's a stupid facebook thing, right?

Perhaps when those friends of mine who posted those photos remebered me having that personality trait back in the day, or it was just a funny thing to do, or there was no thought in it really....I don't know.

All I know is that the personalities picked out for me in no way reflect the person I am now or the person I am becoming.

Here's how I think of myself now: motivated, creative, responsible, giving, helpful, caring, encouraging, ambitious, loyal, and generally a good person. All the qualities I've listed are things I wanted to become and am still striving to accomplish.

I'm also impatient, occasionally obnoxious, a little tempramental, self doubting, and somewhat unorganized.

I'm not fishing for compliments here or asking for sympathy...I merely had to get this off my chest.

I'll be the first to admit that I have more thouroughly developed many of the better qualities after I left college, and that most people I talked to on the internet now don't know who I am now.

Thanks for listening. You may now return to your previously schedualed reading material:)

I do things at strange times...

I do things at strange times...like deciding to Feng Shui my bedroom starting at 11 pm. I get these ideas and can't wait to do them, I'm a little impatient I guess.

Lately (for the past month or so) I've had really low energy and low motivation, which is a little depressing. I know that in order to change the way I've been feeling, I've got to change what I'm doing.

On major change recently is that I am single. I think that this change will be good for me in a variety of ways, but the most important is that this will give me the time and space I need to re-center.

Today I realized that there are many stagnant things in my life that I need to let go of or change. That thought process eventually went to Feng Shui and how I've wanted to look at the Bagua (Feng Shui area map) in relationship to my space. I finally did that tonight, and after some online surfing, found out the the bedroom is one of the more important rooms in the house to make Feng shui friendly.
I've been wanting to rearrange my room for awhile anyway, so it seemed like a good time to mix things up.

As the ferrets watched intently and impatiently from their cage, I dragged and pulled my bedroom furniture in to areas where I thought they would go well. After a few iterations I came up with a configuration that seemed to work better then the way I had everything arranged orginally. Not all the placements are optimal, but my room wasn't neccesarily built to Feng Shui standards, so I count that as an improvement.

The two biggest and positive changes are removing a mirror that was right in front of my bedroom door and moving the bed out from underneath a window. Apparently the mirror infront of the door send chi right back out the way it came so chi wont circulate in and nourish the room. When sleeping underneath a window, chi from you body is sent out the window which can drain one of their energy.

I'm really interested to see how I sleep tonight. I changed the orientation of my bed from N-S to E-W, and when I have done that in the past I don't sleep well for a few nights.
I haven't been sleeping well for the past few weeks, so I'll gladly try my rom this way for a few nights if it will mean better sleep in the long run.

Another thing I noticed when moving things around is that I had a lot of crap in my room that I didn't realize was there- scraps of paper, loose change, hangers, dirty clothes....I suppose all of things were hiding in plain sight because I didn't think my room looked that bad.

It's now two and a quarter hours after I decided to rearrange and I'm pretty tired- I'll let y'all know how the first night of sleep goes!