Saturday, May 24, 2008

random shtuffff

I'm supposed to be finishing packing, instead, I have alot of thoughts going through my mind.

For quite awhile, up until the past two weeks or so,I've just felt off. I decided that alot of that had to do with eating too many foods with carbs and sugars. Some of that had to do with some remnants of crap that I had been working through. During that time, I think I pushed alot of people away, or held them at an arms distance. I cant really say why, other than I guess I just needed to figure some things out by myself.
For the past two weeks or so, I've really made an effort to cut most carbs and sugars out of my diet and start taking my suppliments more regularly. I have noticed a tremndous difference in both my mood and energy. Now that I'm sort of back to myself, I'm starting to realize the people I care about most I pushed away the most. I feel kind of bad about that, but I know that I needed that time to work through some things and heal myself.

I'm bad about telling people how I feel about them. As someone who writes very personal songs and poems, I would think just telling someone how I feel wouldn't be difficult....but it is. I recently told a friend of mine that he was my best friend here, and he was surprised. Quite surprised. He told me that he wouldn't have thought that- he didn't know. I felt bad about that. Here's the person that I care about most in the state, and he doesn't even know.

I think sometimes I get very wrapped up in my own mind, and dont' realize how my actions, or inaction, effects those around me.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm feeling rather mopey at the moment. Maybe it's partially because I'm leaving tomorrow for florida, then Texas, and wont be back for two weeks- and partially because I wish I had more time with the people I care about. It seems like this week went by really fast and between working late and being tired, things just didn't work out like I had hoped.

I need to finish packing now. I'm 95% sure I've got everything, but I like to double check.

There should be new Notes From the Road blogs here in the next few weeks!

I'm rambling. I know that when I wake up I'll have to start the travelilng process. It's not that I'm nervous about it....I guess since I haven't been out in the field for a few months I got used to being at home. I like it here.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Found! Poem at work...

My boss is at a conference and I'm here at the office looking for things to do. I am supposed to be writing a technical paper on my thesis as filler work, so I decided to organize all my thesis info, as it was in a big messy pile.
In my big messy pile, I found a couple of things that didn't belong. On of them was this poem:

This is where I go alone
We started as a tragedy, didn't we?
And we'll end the same
You will stay here
And I will go away

From here I go alone
Start over again
From here I go alone
So far from here
So far from here

I'm bad at dating things I write, but I'm assuming I wrote this poem about this time last year. In about 1 week, I'll have been in Colorado 1 year. I have been reflecting on this quite a bit recently- going over the events that got me here.

I feel like I'm in a good place now....I think of my little half of the duplex as home instead of someplace to keep my stuff when I'm out of town. I recently mulched my little flower garden and lined most of the mulched areas with rocks I've found on various rock hunting trips. I think it looks beautiful, even if only half the flowers from last year survived. I'll plant more.

I have at least 4 friends that I know I can count on and that care about me.
I met one of my very favorite people here- he taught me how to work on my bike and will babysit me when I have to get my wisdom tooth out.
I have a great rock climbing partner that will go have tea with me when I call spontaneously.
The person that I make candy and do crafts with is also Wiccan, and it's great to share those things.
My most laid back friend will pretty much try anything with me- we've been on several hikes and have watched lots of Battle Star Gallactica. He's also very blunt and to the point, which I admire.

My job is awesome! I feel like I'm making a big contribution to my company, and to remedial efforts across the US. I'm excited to help others find contamination so that it can be cleaned up. I see it almost as a spiritual thing, since my beliefs place respect and caring for the Earth high on the totem pole.

TANGENT: I decided that I'm going to make a litter wagon and pull it around with me to downtown loveland and pick shit up. I did a creek cleanup and a park cleanup the weekend before Earth Day, and it just pissed me off how much crap there is on the ground. I walk in and around the downtown area a lot, and I'm always picking stuff up. Not as much as I'd like to, but I still do it.

I lost my train of thought after the any case, I've been feeling rather contemplative lately.

Blessed Be!