Friday, November 4, 2011

Feel it to release it?!?!?!?

I just had a profound thought that I'd like to share.

I read a book a few months ago called The Open Focus Brain, which talks about different ways of paying attention.

One part of the book discussed if you are feeling pain- physical or emotional- that it's your bodies way of communicating something, and that by paying attention to your pain, you acknowledge what your body is saying. After paying attention to the pain it often lessens or disappears.

I'm feeling sad today. Normally I try sort of ignore that sadness...I would pay attention to other things..I dig into my work.

Today I decided that it's ok to feel sad, and that in order to release it I need to FEEL it.

I then thought about other things that would hurt you if you held on to them, and came up with this analogy:

If you pick up a scalding iron, and you don't feel the pain, holding onto that iron is going to cause quite a bit of damage to your hand. BUT...if you FEEL the pain...the searing of your hand, you will let the iron go and less damage will be done to your hand then if you held on to it.

This goes back to the message of The Open Focus Brain. When I first read that part of the book, I logically understood it. But after today I GET it.

Another analogy that I thought of, but I don't know if it will hold true...

If sadness is like a sandwich, and we only allow ourselves to feel a little bit of sadness at a time (taking a nibble of the sandwich), then it's going to take a long time to finish that sandwich. It will probably start going bad and growing mold if we spread it out over weeks and months (festering emotions, anyone?!).

Perhaps if we really feel the sandwich.... if we eat the big bites in a couple of sittings, then the sandwich is eaten and gone, without the mold.

I will try not to ignore this sadness. I will acknowledge it, FEEL it, and move through it.

A thought from early this morning:

There's nothing wrong with being emotional. I've had people tell me I'm emotional like it's a bad thing. I say F**K THAT!!!! If there wasn't emotion, we wouldn't have great songs, and great art, and people that are working for change. If there wasn't emotion, we would be zombie like.

Emotion makes people uncomfortable when they see it in someone else. I'm done with living my life because things I do make people uncomfortable. It's not about you anymore. Now it's about me.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Releasing the forgotten poet

I have been very quiet.

Without going into too much detail, I decided to start a blog for just my poetry.

It's been an idea I've been tossing around for a while, but never quite got around to actually doing anything about it.

I started writing poetry when I was young, and as I got older, I wrote less.

Poetry is what inspired my to learn how to play the guitar- so I could set poems to music.

Poetry was the safety release valve on emotions that I could not verbalize.

Poetry was what allowed my truth to surface, even when I was not conscious of it.

I let it be forgotten. I forgot a part of myself that was (is!) important.

So now, in the very depths of feeling very broken about one too many things, that part is bubbling up through the cracks.

Some will be new, some will be old, but all on them will contain seeds of my truth.

The Forgotten Poet

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Ze Cuppy-cake es Taunting Meh!

Last night, I went over to a friends house to celebrate her birthday with Chinese take-out. Little did I know...she had bought cupcakes. Carrot cake cupcakes with a swirl of white-ish frosting and a little frosted carrot on top.

There were a total of 6. I inhaled 2 at her house, then she sent one home with me. I have been trying to avoid eating much sugar, but I have very poor self control.

I do great not buying sugar; this is my best tactic. If I don't buy sugar, then it's not in the house, and I don't eat it.

Unfortunately, I leave my house occasionally. Then shit gets real.

Fast forward to this morning:

After eating eggs and toast, my gaze happens to fall on the island counter where a plastic container holds ONE carrot cake cuppy-cake. I eye it. It sits there.

I circle the island, nonchalantly, looking like there was something I needed to be doing, all the while eying the cuppy-cake.

At this moment, the cuppy-cake represents all the to-do list items I'm dreading. In a way I'm dreading eating the cuppy-cake because I know I will pay for it later.

At some critical moment, I break. I open the container, pull the wrapper off the cuppy-cake, and proceed to devour it. DEVOUR....OM NOM NOM >:)

I don't even really know that I tasted it, just that I felt satisfied.

Now if I could only devour my to-do list....