What would you say?

I recently read a note on my second cousins facebook page that directed the writer to:

List (20) things you want to say to 20 people. Don't say who they are.

It sounded like something I wanted to try, here it goes:

1. I wrote soooo many songs about you; I consider many of them some of my best

2. I really respect you and value your friendship

3. You must think we're similar but were not. Most of the time you get on my nerves.

4. If I weren't afraid you'd over react and of the drama you'd create, I'd tell you how negative you are and try and help you be more positive.

5. I miss you alot. I wish you lived closer.

6. I think the work you do is amazing. You've helped me so much this past year.

7. We don't talk much, and I wish I could talk to you more. I guess I just don't know what to say. I love and appreciate you.

8. You helped me become creative and goofy. I love you.

9. I realize you didn't want a whole lot to do with me growing up. I still think that's true now. I'll be here for you if you need me.

10. I wish you could have been around when I was growing up in Texas.

11. I wish you could have been around when I was growing up in Texas (repeated on purpose).

12. I'm sorry I was too young to understand what you were going through. I wish I would have talked to you more.

13. I can't believe you made me feel that way. I would have been miserable with you. Most of the things you said were lies, and I don't even know if you knew it. I'm glad we don't talk anymore.

14. I so hope you find what you're looking for, and that you sleep better!

15. You've been a great friend! I miss you when we go too long with out talking.

16. I'm so excited for you! I know you've wanted this for a quite a while! I'll help however I can.

17. Although exacerbating, I'm sort of glad you were lazy- it made me more determined to get on with my life!

18. I'm fascinated by your knowledge. I'm excited to know more and spend more time with you.

19. I'm excited to know you'll be guiding me in this new part of life. Knowing your there to answer questions is awesome.

20. You are so supportive. I don't know why I'm still so guarded. I'm afraid I'll disappoint you somehow.

I suck at telling people how I feel. This seems like a safe way to do it with out being 'too' out there!

Some big changes on the way!

I made an offer on a house!

The seller has signed the contract, but since it's a short sale the offer has to be approved by the bank. The bank should get back to me next week sometime.

Crazy!

I made a website for my business FINALLY! It's not very fancy yet, but it's there. Check it out and let me know what you think. Especially if you have suggestions!

The site is www.spiritedcreationsllc.com .

I adore the guy I'm dating.

Here's a picture:



Scott treats me better than any one I've ever dated. He's awesome. You would all like him very much.

Do you know he's built several miles on the continental divide trail?! Like actually got to decide where the trail went and everything?!?!?!?

I think that's awesome.

I'm going to the renaissance faire tomorrow in Larkspur with some friends of mine. It should be a good time, it's been a few years since I've gone to one.

Last week I started taking a course to enhance and develop my intuitive abilites. I've only been at it a week but I'm starting to notice some improvements.

I'm staying up too late again but I can't help it! I'm excited! I'm not driving tomorrow so maybe I can sleep on the way to the ren faire.

Have a great weekend everyone!

When did I 'grow up'?!

A few days before my 26th birthday, I decided it would be a good idea to look into buying a house. There were several reasons for this, including the tax credit and the sewage that periodically wells up in the down stairs sink.

Anyway, for the last two weeks I've been really gung-ho on looking for houses on the internet. It's all I've been doing after work, and since I normally equate computer research with work it feels like I've been working really long days for the past two weeks.

I didn't realize how hard it was lookng for houses! It seems like everytime I'm remotely interested in something, there is a pending contract. It's a little discouraging and irritating, but I guess that's how the game is played.

When I mentioned to someone recently that I was looking into houses, they said something like 'wow, your a grown up!'

I thought, oh shit! When did this happen?

One of the big reasons I started looking into houses was the tax credit, which equals money. I have tried hard not to let money be a main focus in my life.

I work hard, I get paid, I pay my bills, there's money left over for some fun stuff- I'm good with that. It was never a goal of mine to be a millionaire or anything. I really just want to be able to take care of myself.

Since I've moved to Colorado, I have vehemently said that I didn't need or want to buy a house of my own. I was also traveling quite frequently and felt like I would have to do everything alone. Both of those situations have changed.

I have neglected all sorts of relationships and life tasks the past two weeks while I was consumed with house hunting and I'm rather disgusted with myself for it.

I am someone who is very sensitive to outside energies, and sometimes it feels like I'm tapping into other energies when it comes to the whole house thing.

I don't need to own a house. A house wont comfort you when your down, or hold your hand or go on a hike with you. There isn't much of a relationship with a building.

While I believe buildings can have their own spirits and energies, it is not a replacement for a human connection.

I'm afraid getting too wrapped up in this and am loosing sight of the things that are truly important. At the moment this is completely evident to me. Sometimes it is not.

It's time for me to take a step back-from everything- and prioritize. This process can be greatly facilitated by keeping events in a day book and sticking to it- I know in the past it's been one of the only ways to keep myself straight and sane.

For me,it's always good to write these sorts of thougts out, it's helps to solidify my intentions.

Have a fabulous weekend everybody!

Quick Update

I realized I haven't blogged in a while!

Here's some random mind spew:

Beltania was AWESOME- 3 day pagan festival (it deserves it's own blog at some point!)

I got a reading done a while back that helped explain some of the trust issues I have. Apparently it's mostly past life stuff that I have to work through. Beltania helped me start to heal trust of community.

I was given lilacs last night...they are wonderful and purple and smell oh so nice.

I'm starting to get more creative again.

I'm coming out of a couple month funk ( :) )

Belly dancing is fun.

As of tomorrow at 4 a.m. (May 14th), I'll have been living in Colorado for 2 years!

Not all people play mind games (intentional or unintentional), and I have to learn to stop anticipating peoples reaction's to the things I do or say.

Lunch was really yummy- pasta primavera made with quinoa noodles....mmmmm

And now I have to get back to work!

Light and love to you all :)

Tea Party

I hosted my first tea party today! I was so excited to have my friends over- I know I really enjoyed myself, and I think everyone else did too:)

I think tea parties will become a regular thing at my house.

I hope everyone has a lovely Sunday!

GARRRR

I'm really frustrated. I just spent a freaking hour trying to figure out how to enter some things for my taxes. I am normally not that dense, but I've barely been sleeping lately.
I went to bed around 2am last night and was woken up by the bastard train conductor at 6:30am.
The past 3 or 4 nights I haven't been going to bed until around 1am and getting up around 7:45am.
Before that, I would "sleep" from about 11pm until about 7:45am. When I say sleep, I was technically not conscious, but I didn't really rest either.

When I wake up I feel like I can't get out of bed. When I finally do get out of bed I'm fine and am not particularly tired during the day, but I just don't feel right.

I'M SO FRUSTRATED WITH ME RIGHT NOW!

I can't put into words all the abstract thoughts that are floating by at the moment....I just want to feel normal again.

GARR:/

Turning over a new leaf

Warning: I will be rambling.

It's spring! Friday is the Spring Equinox, the day where light and dark are equal. Days following the equinox get longer, meaning more light! Plants are blooming, trees are budding, birds are singing...everything is coming to life again, and in a way I feel that I am also.
The past few weeks I've had the spring cleaning urge. This year I'm cleaning with Feng Shui principals in mind to get better chi into my house and into my life. I've been doing different Feng Shui fixes around the house the last few weeks and I'm really starting to notice a difference in the way I feel and the way events are happening.
While I'm enjoying cleaning the house and rearranging things, I think I've been staying too close to home. Some times I feel like I shouldn't leave the house...I almost feel guilty about it, as weird as that sounds.
Tonight I went swing dancing in Denver with a friend of mine. When he first asked if I wanted to go I was really hesitant- I figured I would be akward, it was a sunday night, and it was in Denver. After some prodding from a few people I decided to go, and I'm really glad I did. I wasn't akward at all! Actually I thought I picked up the moves pretty quickly and that I did pretty well. I can't remember the last time I had that much fun.
I feel like I am at a turning point now, I have been clearing out the old to make way for the new, and the new has started to roll in! The new is new people, new experiences, new strength, and new energy.

I'm excited! Lots of love to you alllllll:)