Ramblings on Eczema and Candida and self-healing

For the past 2 1/2 years, I thought I had psoriasis. I've been seeing a new holistic doctor and I was showing him my 'psoriasis' spots and he told me they looked more like eczema spots. I was told by a dermatologist in Nacogdoches that psoriasis is what I had.
The main difference in the two skin conditions is that eczema occurs on the insides of joints like elbows and knees, and in skin folds. Psoriasis occurs mostly on the outside of the joints and is more scaly.
Anyway, I figured out a while back the eating dairy exacerbates my skin condition so I pretty much stopped eating it. I also discovered not drinking enough water will also exacerbate my skin condition.

Recently, I switched from rice milk to soy milk, and my skin condition got worse. I confirmed with my holistic doctor that I was allergic to soy and have not had much soy for about a week. Normally, this would be enough time for my little red spots to start fading, but this is not the case.

I know from several gyno visits that I normally have some amount of yeast 'down there', and the gyno keeps telling me it's normal.

(There is a point coming I promise)

My boss is prone to Candida overgrowth and follows a special diet to combat the overgrowth, we've talked about it a few times.

So last night, I originally started researching Candida overgrowth to see what sypmtoms there were. During my research I found out that Candida overgrowth and skin conditions like eczema and psoiasis are related.

I have been eating more sugars and carbs lately, which is what candida thrives on. I'm assuming this is the reason why my spots aren't going away.

In order to kill off the excess Candida (you do need some in your intestines!) I need stop eating carbs and sugars and dairy. Dairy wont be a problem, I do that anyway. Sugar wont be so much of a problem, I try not to eat too much sugar because of my hypoglycemia anyway. Carbs will be a problem. I pretty much don't eat bread anymore, but I really like rice and pasta and cereal and oatmeal.

I know that you can be addicted to carbs and sugar, and I know that if I dont eat carbs or sugar for about a week I'll be fine and I probably wont have strong cravings anymore.

After the excess Candida is killed off, you can start reintroducing small amounts of carbs back into your diet, which I'm excited about.


After all that rambling, the point is that I found a connection between my Eczema and Candida overgrowth, and that I can treat myself by eating better. I will not put a 'band-aid' on my condition and use steroid creams or other icky drugs. I can heal myself naturally!

A new path

I decided to start a side business last Tuesday, which was election day.
I will be making and selling jewelry and natural loition bars. I will probably also be making soap and soy candles.
I already have a place to sell my products, so all I need to do is set up the administrative side of the business and get my tax ID number. I'm hoping to have this done by the end of the month.
I'm thinking about converting my home 'office' into a workshop. My kitchen is pretty tiny, and I think if I got some hot plates and tables I could probably work in the office with no problem.


At this point your probably wondering what my business will be called.....

I decided to go with Spirited Creations.
________________________________________________________________________________

In other news, I just got my plane tickets today for when I go home for Christmas. I'm flying into Dallas on Saturday the 20th and flying back Saturday the 27th. I will be making a trip to Nacogdoches while I'm in the Texas- probably Mon. the 22nd and Tues. the 23rd.

That's about it for now. I need to make a trip to a craft store and buy soy wax!

On the failed housing bill.....

When I got up this morning I read an artical about how the House wouldn't pass the housing bill, and then the stock market took a nearly 7% dive.
I was reading along sort of detached until I read this in the artical:

~Rep. Dean Heller, R-Nev., offered a typical sentiment. "I cannot with good conscience put Nevada's taxpayers on the hook for the foolish excesses of Wall Street," he said. "Congress should pass legislation that protects the taxpayer, assists with bad assets and allows the market to correct itself."~




I identify with that statement...and after reading it, I became rather annoyed with what's going on.

I personally have nothing to do with the economy being weak that I can think of. Why should I have to pay for the mistake of Wall Street, the government, or who ever else was irresponisble the the countries financial resources?

I will readily admit I don't know much about the countries finances, and maybe if I did I'd be all for the bailout....but you know what this feels like? Doing group work in a class where I was the one getting stuck doing all the work. And it's not just me....all you other tax payers are getting stuck doing all the work too.

I'm done with that topic....here's another:

The power of thought and the media:

In many New Age/Metaphysical paths, one can cause changes to occur through the power of thought. This can be in the form of spells, positive thinking, even prayers- they all have the same root.
What do you see on the news most of the time? Something bad, and that something bad is usually sensationalized.
I have stopped watching the news, but lets say you, like many other Americans, watch it everyday. Everday in recent weeks, you hear about the stock market and how unstable the economy is. If that's all you hear, perhaps you start to believe, and then to worry. If most people in this nation believe that the stock market/economy will crash, then, through the power of thought, it probably will.
Lets talk about action for a second...action follows thought- if you think something bad will happen, you will probably prepare for the worst. Kind of like preparing for a hurricane coming close to where you live. I'm thinking it kind of works the same with a slow economy that is predicted to get worse.

That being said, what if we all started thinking the stock market/economy will rebound? Action follows thought, so maybe we all start doing little things that help the economy. Maybe all those little things add up to big things and the change begins to happen.

I think I'm done venting in a rambling fashion....everything I said was based on opinion and things I have read.

Slowing Down

I just got back from a job in Germany on Thursday afternoon. Since I've been back, I have felt like there are a thousand things to get done. I have developed a way of thinking recently which I'm not excited about.....when I get home from a job I have about 2 weeks to cram in as much stuff as possible, whether that be spending time with friends, cleaning the house, paying bills- whatever. Yesterday, I had a list in mind of things I wanted to accomplish before I left to go on a date with K. One of those things involved walking to the store and gettng some things.
The walk to and from the store was gorgeous! It was sunny and the temperature was perfect,and I thought to myself....I don't want to be stuck inside all day! I totally abandoned my list of things to do and left for K's place.
This morning I woke up around 4:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. The list of things that need ot be done popped back into my mind. Because I'm tired and lack the motivation to start cleaning and doing other things that need to be done, I thought what would happen if I didn't do any of the list today? What if I just enjoy the afternoon I have planned with a friend of mine?
I'm trying to figure out why, if I'm not doing something that 'needs' to be done, do I feel guilty about it?

I have decided this morning that for these few weeks I'm home I'm going to change how I do things. I'm not going to try and cram every little thing that 'needs'
to be done, and every activity that comes up into the time I'm at home.

I barely had a break before leaving for Germany, worked a ton of overtime before leaving for Germany, worked my ass off in Germany, and I think it's time I let myself off the hook a little.

That is the conclusion I have come to this morning.

I will post some road notes from TX and Germany later.

Notes from the road: St. Louis, MO

I am behind on road notes!

I flew to MO August 3rd I believe, and flew out August 6th.
The first night we were there we went to a modern/fusion restaurant where we ordered about 10 different plates of food and they were all small and came out at different times. We all shared everything. It was interesting, but not very filling. I saw the arch that night, but didn't get a picture:(

This job would have been flawless had in not been 112 with the heat index the first day we worked. I have worked in weather like that before, but when I did I had also lived in that sort of weather for years. For a little over a year now, I have been living in a dry climate...I'm not used to the humidity anymore. It was so still and opressive at times it was difficult to breath.

That day was my bosses birthday. It wasn't very festive, we were all pretty zombie like at dinner. Luckily, my boss got a real celbration about 2 weeks after his real birthday at home.

The next day was cooler, and we got drizzled on the entire 4 hours we worked. My shoes and socks got soaked :/ Luckily we weren't working a whole day or my feet would have had more blisters than I could count!

After working that half day my boss and I flew back to Denver. Or, we tried anyway. There were bad storms around the Denver airpoirt so we landed in Colorado Springs to refuel. We sat in the Springs for about 2 hours waiting for the weather to clear up. We got back 3-4 hours after we had originally planned....I think my boss dropped me off at my house around midnight. We had both been up since about 5:30 am that morning so we were both exhausted. I babbled the entire way home because I was trying to keep both of us awake.

I was about to say that was it....but wait!

I started brining cold packs on the jobs I go one so that if I pull something I have a way to relieve some pain. So, upon entering my hotel room and unpacking a bit, I grabbed my cold pack and went to the little fridge. I opened the little door to the freezer, and saw a big blue mound. I started to pull the mound out, but it was sort of frozen to the freezer compartment. It took a few seconds, but I finally pried the blue mound from the icy grip of the freezer. To get a better look, I threw the blue mound on the counter by the sink. And that's when I realized.....the blue mound that I had been manhandeling was a pair of boxers!

I promptly threw the boxers in the trash, then washed my hands (but not before I got a picture!).

The next day I was walking around in the room and kicked something...it turneed out to be a little 8 ball that was about the size and weight of a ping pong ball- I kept that to eventually put in a geocache.

I think that is it for the notes on this job.

Hilarious.... egg-actly what I thought!

I am in Levelland, TX for work. At the moment, I am the only one of my crew that is here. Around dinner time I googled restaurants in town and decided on a japanese hibachi place by the walmart. They sat me at my very own hibachi table, where I read the news on my phone. About 10 minutes later, they sat 4 guys at the end of my hibachi table. They were speaking spanish to each other and didn't seem interested in conversing, so I kept reading the news on my phone.
The hibachi chef soon showed up and I put my phone away so I could enjoy the chefs antics. He started off flipping his spatula and fork around. The next thing he did was take an egg and toss it around with the spatula. I had seen this before...I knew at some point he was going to flip the egg into the hat he was wearing. Except, when he went to toss the egg in his hat, it bounced off the hat and landed on the counter right in front of one of the guys sitting at the table. The egg cracked on the counter, then slid into the guys lap. Everyone looked at each other stunned for a moment before we all erupted in laughter.
It was freaking hilarious!

generic drugs sometimes aren't worth the discount

I have been pretty emotional for the last several weeks. I thought it may just be all the traveling and being tired and what not, but then I started wondering if it had something to do with the generic birth control I started taking. I mentioned to a friend of mine that I thought the generic bc was messing with me, and he told me that generic forms of drugs DO NOT have to be the exact same as the name brand drugs. He also mentioned that it doesn't take much of a change in drug levels to effect the endocrine system. I hadn't really thought about it for a week or two until today where I had a teary emotional outburst. I just googled Ocella (generic bc)and this is what I found:

http://boards.webmd.com/webx?THDX@@.89a1e9db!thdchild=.89a1e9db


Apparently, there are quite a few women out there that have been having very noticable side effects from Ocella. I have definitely been more emotional, have had fairly regular headaches (I almost NEVER have headaches!), and I have noticed a slight increases in my appetite.

I think I will be switching back to Yasmin (brand name bc) the next go around, even though I will no longer be saving $15. $15 isn't worth all the side effects.

I was originally going to write about how I think that I have some abandonment issues, but I'm know begininng to think that the only reason I started to think that was because of my messed up horomones. Yay.

Ancestors

During the NH job, I started doing genealogy research. I am addicted.
I never knew much about my ancestors at all, not even my grandpa on my dad's side. All I knew is that he died 4 days after I was born and that he could be mean.
I have traced my ancestry back to the late 1550's/early 1600's to Eiserfeld, Siegen, Germany. I don't know much about those early ancestors, but I'm finding out little things about the more recent ones, like my great grandfather owned a little store across from a methodist church and he played the organ.
My great great grandfather was a highly respected farmer.
My great great great grandfather was a pioneer of Jefferson County, Illinois.
My great great great great grandfather I don't know much about, but my great grandfather x5 served in the revolutionary war. He supposedly came to the US from Germany around 1767....I'm still trying to figure out his story.

I never thought about my ancestors much before, but now they are a passion. I'd like to find out more little stories about them. My dad and uncles and I are in the midst of trying to locate the family bible, it holds a ton of info, and probably the little stories I want to hear.

I'm starting to babble....must go to sleep!

Burning Out

I haven't been home for more than two weeks since Memorial day. I think I have mentioned that before.
When I am home, I have been trying to do too much I think.
I have put off things I have NEEDED to do for things I have WANTED to do.
I was told today I may be going on 3 or 4 jobs in July. This is stellar for the compnay, things I really taking off, and I think I have had a lot to do with that.
However, is this sometihng that's good for me?
I normally rack up overtime hours on travel jobs, which is good
I don't have to pay for anything while I'm gone, which is good

I spend all my time with people that are very different from me, which is fine.
They tend to be kind of cynical, I think it damages my aura/psyche/whatever- not so good.

I come home feeling totally deprived of affection- not so good for me.

I worry about the ferrets while I'm gone. John (my landlord) takes great care of them, but I still worry.

The answer I' am coming up with is that going on jobs all the time, while advantageous monetarily, is not so good for ME.

I think part of it is me still adjusting to traveling every few weeks and trying to figure out where my limits are when I come back.

I think part of it is being tired all the time. We've been working mostly night jobs, and switching back to day time isn't always smooth.

I do not feel right today. I think that may have had to do with my 2nd Gaurdasil such. That shit F**king hurts. My arm is still sore today, and I"m wondering if my funk is somehow tied to the shot.

I want to believe it is, I don't want to feel funky of my own accord.

I'm not going in to detail of why, but I found out today I'm quite afraid of and facsinated by cancer. Afraid because it strikes regardless of pretty much anything, facsinated because it has to do with cell mutations in our own bodies and how cells decided to mutate.

That added to my funky-ness.

ALSO, then train came by about 6am this morning. I went back to sleep. I slept through the alarm and woke up at 8:20...10 minutes before I normally get to work. While I was oversleeping, I had a dream that I went down a little alley way in my car, and that the end had been blocked off by a couple of open gates or something. I started to close the gates so I could get past, and this women came out of a house and told me to come inside. I had to wait arounf for her husband to come out so he could yell at me for moving the gates. I think everytime the alarm went off, I tried to leave in the dream, but someone kept telling me I couldn't leave. It took me all day to figure out that's what actually happened. I was somewhat amused.

Anyway, that's it.

As usual, I didn't spell or grammar check.

Notes from the Road: NY x 2

The boys and I went to New York for two jobs. The first day of the first job was on the summer solstice.

The trip started off with me worrying we wouldn't get to the rental place on time. I then got to drive a cargo van (with no side windows)through New york city. During rush hour. I can't remember the last time I was so stressed about driving. Especially cause I tend to use my blinker when I change lanes or try and merge. Apparently that is a sign of weakness in the Northeast. I decided the Northeast in general should be called 'the land of many merges'.

Anyway, we got to the hotel in one piece. It was not the best hotel...a little on the scary side.

That night at dinner we had indian food. The next morning I had a little bit of an allergic reaction...the whole left half of my bottom lip was numb.

The first job was spread out on different roads. we had to jump around alot with the land surveying equipment. About halfway theough the surveying I screwed up and ended up having to redo half of it. That's when I fried myself on surveying.

The only thing that shuts us down is lightning. There was lightning and pretty heavy showers on this job.

The next job was about 1.5 hours North of the first job. The site was sort of out in a little rural town. It cracked me up that one of the roads we turned on to get there was called Shivertown Road.

Part of our work area included the foundation of a building that had burned down. We had to run our survey lines inthe foundation and up over the walls. It was logistical nightmare of sorts.

At night at this site there was just a TON of fireflies. It was awesome. Kind of like at the olymnpics when everyones camera flash is going off- that was about the number and frequency of the fireflies.

The consultant on this job was a female geologist. We got along great and talked about all sorts of things. It was really nice to have another girl in the field. I think her being there made the guys realize there are just some things girls DO and it's not just ME.

Those were the highlights that I can remember....it's been a few weeks.

Notes from the road: NH and MA

The last job site was on the border of New Hampshire AND Massachusetts. Literally, half of a survey would be in each state. I thought it was funny.

This trip reinforces why I heart Southwest airlines....at least on of my connections was early to AND from the job.


This one was another overnight job, so when we got to the hotel on Monday I thought I'd stay up kind late to try and switch over to a night time schedule. Since I'm going to Germany sometime in the next few months, and since I knew I had german ancestors, I decided to do a little genealogy research. I researched for 6-7 hours that night alone, and got back to the 1600's. Luckily other Stonecipher's have done lots of research on the common older ancestors, so getting back that far wasn't so bad. I'm still trying to verify the stuff I found. From that point on, I have been totally addicted to researching my families genealogy...more on that in another post.

This job went pretty well, we 'rented' a guy to help us with traffic control and stuff, which worked out pretty well until the last night of the job when he just didn't show up cause he couldn't get a ride....but didn't call to tell us that.

The entire crew is a little burnt out on traveling. I'm defintily burnt out with land surveying. I get so anxious about whether I'm doing stuff right that I tend to make more mistakes. Luckily the guys still need practice on learning land surveying so I didn't get stuck doing all of it this time.

The consultant on was female (yay!) which is always refreshing/relieving for me. We found out that we both took a class from Dr. Van Brahana at the Univ. of Arkansas. Sometimes it's a small world.

It was not an eventful job, that's mostly good when jobs are uneventful.

That's about it, I have to back track and write about NY.

I don't want to go to NH

This summer I have been going out on field jobs every week or two since Memorial Day. Up until this trip, leaving was just something that would be done, no questions or reservations.
I do not want to go to New Hampshire tomorrow.
I can't figure out why.
The job is short- only 3 nights.
As I wrote that sentence, I fully realize that this is an overnight job. The last overnight jobs we had were Florida and Texas, which were not so good, for various reasons. I also realized, after reviewing my field notes from those last two overnight jobs, that I don't funtion if I don't get enough sleep. Invariably, things happen during the course of the night which usually causes us to stay later than intended, leaving us less than 8 hours to get back to the hotel and get back to the site. Which means 5-6 hours of sleep.
Well, now that I figured out why I dont want to go, I am going to go pack. While I pack, I am going to visualize the job going well and getting enough sleep.

Nebulous Thoughts

I want to dance barefoot on the grass
have the wind carry my laughter
to a place where it is needed

I would climb the apple tree again
just for the thrill
to pick a sour apple

My mind is flying everywhere
so many thoughts
which to snatch and ponder?


I saw photos of the universe
from the hubble telescope
so much wonder

How do we come...
from hydrogen clouds and dying stars?

Unimaginably big, the gorgeous universe
and me, so tiny

My mind is a nebula
forming melodic stars
from time to time

The longing to create
is my connection, my song

How do we come...
from hydrogen clouds and dying stars?

A circle that's not so vicious

I don't recall if I have blogged about feeling 'disconnected' to the universe. If not, the past several months I have felt the disconnect.

In Brian Fround's Fairy Card deck, the card Ekstasis represents the 'song' that fills the universe. It is a feeling of ecstasy and universal energy. It is this song that joins all of us and everything in the world together.
The concept of the Ekstasis card resonates with me. When I feel connected, it's like I can feel and hear a humming or vibration, which I assume is caused by being tuned in to the frequency of the Ekstasis energy. When I am disconnected, there is nothing.

When I first moved to Colorado, I was grateful. Grateful to have a job, grateful to those who had helped me along the way, and grateful to the universe and the powers that be, whatever name you may call them by.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped being grateful. It was wierd though...before, the feeling of being grateful was like a vibration in my being, it was something nearly physical. Later, the matter of bring grateful was cerebral...there was no longer a vibration associated with the 'feeling'.

The loss of the grateful vibration also signaled the loss of my connection to the universe.

I have struggled with how to get the connection back in the past few months, and nothing has worked consistently.

Last night, I went out with 4 good friends of mine. We started off having martinis, ate sushi, bar hopped a bit, and danced a little. It was such a great experience, and soooo much fun.

I realized today that I started to hear/feel the humming again, that my connection was returning.

I started to analyze why that was- here is what I came up with:

I have thought for a while that the meaning of life has to do with the relationships we have with one another. What is life but a series of interactions with others?
I started to realize that my interactions with quality people, people whose company I enjoy, has been severly limited the past few months due to traveling and my own hermit-ish-ness. This somehow adversly affects my connection to the universe.
Being around people I truely enjoy has somehow corrected my connection.

I used to be fairly stressed about my job performance and the amount of time it took to do things. I think the stress actually caused me to perform poorly and add time because I was constantly worried about it. At some point, I adopted the attitude that things will get done when they get done and that's that. Hurrying to finish will only make things worse, so just take the time to do things right.

Those are the two major thoughts I had anyway...I'm sure there are more little things.

With the connection to the universe returning, so is the vibrational gratitude.

So, in my moment of reclaimed gratitiude, I want to thank my friends for sticking by me. I know it's hard to keep up with my travel schedule, and I appreciate the effort y'all take in working with me. Thank you for helping me to reconnect to Ekstasis.

As I typed those words, the song became louder and stronger within me. And so begins the circle. A circle that is not so vicious.

I should be sleeping/ selected notes from the road- Fl, TX

I've been out on jobs for the compnay the last week and 5 days. I'm on the last day of the last job, which has been an overnighter. I didn't get to sleep until 7am this morning and woke up at 1pm. I called a few people hoping if I laid in bed long enough and did something relaxing I would fall back asleep. NOPE! So I got up and decided to do some work that I needed to do, hoping that at some point I will get some more sleep before I meet the guys at 8pm.

It's been one hell of a trip thus far. Here are some highlights:

On my connecting flight to Florida, I sat next to a civil engineer that insisted on talking to me. Or, talking at me is how I should say it. Towards the end of the trip he told me his wife was going to pick him up at the airport with his dogs. I asked if he had kids, he said no. He asked if I had kids I said no, and I didn't think I wanted any. He asked if I was married, I said I probably didn't want to get married either.
He looked at me and said this: "Girl, you're damaged goods!"

I don't remember much else of the conversation, except I was mildly amused, bewilidered and irritated. I was left wondering if that man thought if I was a lesbian.

I have been thinking alot about that comment, but more on that later.

Florida was also an overnight job. It was kind of horrible. I dont really want to get into it- want to forget!

After Florida, I flew to Dallas and stayed with my parents for a few days. It was great seeing them. It was also nice to be at "home" instead of a crappy hotel.
I'll get to see them again this weekend before I fly back to Colorado.

My dad let me borrow his corvette to drive to the job site, which is about 2 hours from my parents house. It made me nervous, it's so long and low to the ground. I've really had to becareful going up inclines so I don't scrap the bottom of the car. I miss my Jeep- I can just run over stuff like curbs.

So this job looked like it would go really smoothly. The second night of field work we found out that our field equipment had a major malfunction and we couldn't use it. Luckily our equipment HQ was in Austin, so one of the guys was able to drive down and drop off our equipment, and rent a functioning unit to complete the job. We did the equivalent of two nights of work on Wednesday night- it was ridiculous....I'm still not sure how we did it. Last night we did about 1-1.5 days worth of work. Tonight should be like a normal night. I can't wait to drive back to my parents house tomorrow.

I've learned alot in the past week and 5 days about myself, field work, dealing with other people, and life in general.

I fly back to Colorado sunday night, where one of my most favorite peole will pick me up from the airport:) I can't wait to be home.

I worry about the ferrets when I'm gone. The landlord comes over twice a day to let them out when I'm gone, but I still worry that something will happen with one of them and I wont be around. Egan has a few medical problems, and I want to be there for him if he needs me. Fiona just likes to get into crap and find strange places to hide, so that concerns me when I'm gone.


I plan on spending a decent amount of time at home while I'm there....it looks like I'll only be home for two weeks, then I'll be off on field jobs again.

I plan on going to the farmers market on Tuesday after I get back. I'm so sick of eating resturant and fast food. I feel like I need a major detox. I think about how much grease I've eaten and it grosses me out. Blechhoihafihah.

So about how I'm damaged goods....I've decided I'm not like the majority of the population. I don't need kids just because thats what you're supposed if you're a woman. I babysat my bosses kid a few weekends ago for a few days. I like spending time with him, but I dont think I want one of my own. I like to take off and do things spontaneously. I don't want to wait half an hour because the little person wants to wear a certain pair of shoes and will have a fit if he cant wear them. I don't want to constantly have to cater to a little person you can't reason with. More importantly, I don't want to be away from this little person for weeks at a time, it's hard enough being away from the ferrets. I don't want to have to worry about this little person that I would love more than myself(!) when I'm away, or just in general- the world seems like such an F'ed up place sometimes. I don't want to bring someone into the world the way it is right now. I know these things about myself.
I don't need to get married. Don't you get taxed when you get married? What kind of shit is that? Sure there are insurance benefits and stuff....but are they all that good? What if the marriage doesn't last? It seems like a bunch of people just get divorced after a few years- what happens to the insurance benefits then? Some one recently said divorce is basically just a financial transaction...why pay to get married then pay to get unmarried? (I know there are other benefits, I'm being cynical)
It seems to me that people come into my life for specific reasons at specific times- what if i just have significant relationships at the time when I need them- what if it's not with one person for the rest of my life?

I'm not saying I will NEVER have kids or get married, but at the moment I dont think those things are in store for me.

I think I'm about done rambling. I'm still not sleepy, which is unfortunate.
I hope y'all will have a good weekend!

random shtuffff

I'm supposed to be finishing packing, instead, I have alot of thoughts going through my mind.

For quite awhile, up until the past two weeks or so,I've just felt off. I decided that alot of that had to do with eating too many foods with carbs and sugars. Some of that had to do with some remnants of crap that I had been working through. During that time, I think I pushed alot of people away, or held them at an arms distance. I cant really say why, other than I guess I just needed to figure some things out by myself.
For the past two weeks or so, I've really made an effort to cut most carbs and sugars out of my diet and start taking my suppliments more regularly. I have noticed a tremndous difference in both my mood and energy. Now that I'm sort of back to myself, I'm starting to realize the people I care about most I pushed away the most. I feel kind of bad about that, but I know that I needed that time to work through some things and heal myself.

I'm bad about telling people how I feel about them. As someone who writes very personal songs and poems, I would think just telling someone how I feel wouldn't be difficult....but it is. I recently told a friend of mine that he was my best friend here, and he was surprised. Quite surprised. He told me that he wouldn't have thought that- he didn't know. I felt bad about that. Here's the person that I care about most in the state, and he doesn't even know.

I think sometimes I get very wrapped up in my own mind, and dont' realize how my actions, or inaction, effects those around me.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm feeling rather mopey at the moment. Maybe it's partially because I'm leaving tomorrow for florida, then Texas, and wont be back for two weeks- and partially because I wish I had more time with the people I care about. It seems like this week went by really fast and between working late and being tired, things just didn't work out like I had hoped.

I need to finish packing now. I'm 95% sure I've got everything, but I like to double check.


There should be new Notes From the Road blogs here in the next few weeks!

I'm rambling. I know that when I wake up I'll have to start the travelilng process. It's not that I'm nervous about it....I guess since I haven't been out in the field for a few months I got used to being at home. I like it here.

Found! Poem at work...

My boss is at a conference and I'm here at the office looking for things to do. I am supposed to be writing a technical paper on my thesis as filler work, so I decided to organize all my thesis info, as it was in a big messy pile.
In my big messy pile, I found a couple of things that didn't belong. On of them was this poem:

This is where I go alone
We started as a tragedy, didn't we?
And we'll end the same
You will stay here
And I will go away

From here I go alone
Start over again
From here I go alone
So far from here
So far from here

I'm bad at dating things I write, but I'm assuming I wrote this poem about this time last year. In about 1 week, I'll have been in Colorado 1 year. I have been reflecting on this quite a bit recently- going over the events that got me here.

I feel like I'm in a good place now....I think of my little half of the duplex as home instead of someplace to keep my stuff when I'm out of town. I recently mulched my little flower garden and lined most of the mulched areas with rocks I've found on various rock hunting trips. I think it looks beautiful, even if only half the flowers from last year survived. I'll plant more.

I have at least 4 friends that I know I can count on and that care about me.
I met one of my very favorite people here- he taught me how to work on my bike and will babysit me when I have to get my wisdom tooth out.
I have a great rock climbing partner that will go have tea with me when I call spontaneously.
The person that I make candy and do crafts with is also Wiccan, and it's great to share those things.
My most laid back friend will pretty much try anything with me- we've been on several hikes and have watched lots of Battle Star Gallactica. He's also very blunt and to the point, which I admire.

My job is awesome! I feel like I'm making a big contribution to my company, and to remedial efforts across the US. I'm excited to help others find contamination so that it can be cleaned up. I see it almost as a spiritual thing, since my beliefs place respect and caring for the Earth high on the totem pole.

TANGENT: I decided that I'm going to make a litter wagon and pull it around with me to downtown loveland and pick shit up. I did a creek cleanup and a park cleanup the weekend before Earth Day, and it just pissed me off how much crap there is on the ground. I walk in and around the downtown area a lot, and I'm always picking stuff up. Not as much as I'd like to, but I still do it.


I lost my train of thought after the tangent....in any case, I've been feeling rather contemplative lately.

Blessed Be!

Hotdog Heaven!

I just have to let y'all know- I have found authentic Chicago style dogs right here in Loveland!
I don't know if words can express how excited I am right now.
When I took my first bite, I think a tear of appreciation actually came to my eye....it was that good. I may have also been experiencing some relief that it was an authenitic Chicago dog and not an wannabe Chicago dog.

Most of you will think I'm nuts, but if you have ever grown up with a specific food then moved to where you can't get that food you probably wont understand.

Thank you, people of Dairy Delite, for serving real Chicago dogs!

Good Day

It's been a while since I've felt like writing!

Today was really a fun and relaxing day. This afternoon I went on a short hike with my friend C. The weather was beautiful today- it was sunny and in the high 50's. There was still snow on parts of the trail which always strikes me as kind of funny. The trail we went to was about half way between here and Estes Park, so after the hike we went up to Estes and poked around for about 45 minuts. On the drive back to Loveland we took the scenic route, which goes through Glen Haven and Drake. In Glen Haven there is a purple house with little wooden butterflies and gazing balls all around. It's pretty much is the last house on the way out of town and it always makes me happy to see it. I need to take a picture of it sometime.

I really enjoy the drive to and from Estes because you must drive through the Big Thompson Canyon. The Big Thompson river flows alongside the road almost the entire way. The posted picture is of the Big Thompson Canyon and River.

On the way down the canyon, we stopped by a store that sells mostly cherry products. They had different types of cider, jellies, jams, salsas, and a variety of other foods. I ended up with some apple butter and cherry butter, which means I'll probably be eating alot of toast this week.

Right after you pop out of the canyon, there's the dam store. We stopped there too. The store had $0.99 jerky from several different animals. C decided to buy one of each, which I though was kind of funny. Here's a list of the different kinds:

Buffalo
Pheasant
Venison
Alligator
Kangaroo
Boar
Elk
Ostrich
Antelope

I know that you can make jerky out of pretty much anything...but the variety they had was kind of amazing.

After the dam store, we ran across the higway to a little food shack where we both got a brat. I heart brats. Unfortunatly the place didn't have saur kraut, which is just silly! I don't know how you can sell a brat and not have kraut to put on it.

tangent: there is a great german resturant in town that sells several differnt types of brats. I fully intend to go buy some and grill them some time this summer, after I boil them in beer, of course. I will also have kraut to put on them!

So, after the dam store we stopped at a rock shop that I had not been to yet. They had some neat specimans, but nothing I couldn't live without.

At the very eastern edge of town I saw a place that advertised chicago style hotdogs, which made me very happy. I grew up in Illinois eating those hotdogs, and it was one of the things I missed the most when I moved to Texas. After I take a shower I'm seriously considering going to get a hotdog, assuming the place is still open around 8pm.
Sometimes when I see chicago style hotdogs advertised they aren't really chicago style hotdogs, and it's very sad. I will be a very happy camper if those hotdogs are the real thing!

After we finally got back to my place, C drove back home.

Then I called my friend P in Arizona, who I'm going to go visit Thursday. I'm really looking forward to the trip! Normally I don't really get excited about traveling until I'm driving to the airport, but there is an anticipation build up for this trip. I will definitly have to blog about the trip when I get back.

I'm thinking I'm giong to take a shower then go see if I can get a hot dog...the more I think about it the more it sounds like a good idea!

m

Yay new PA!

I'd just like to report that the Starbucks show went well, with just a few minor drawbacks. I started to lose my voice a little over an hour into my two hour set. When that starts to happen I have to really pay attention to my voice and how to control it so that I dont hit too may sour notes. Since I haven't played with the PA outside of my basement, setting levels in the coffee shop was interesting. Luckily I had someone there to help me with that, but my voice sounded muddled through out the show, something I will try and fix at the next one.
Every one that came to see me said I was sounding pretty good. It's good to have friends in the audience. I'm looking forward to the next show, which is coming up in about 3 weeks.

Other than that, things are ok. I'll be traveling to New York within the next week or two, hopefully we wont be working in sub-freezing temperatures like the last New York job....that sucked.

Flyer

I was proud of my creative abilities on this one!

Yes, I'm still allive....

I have been meaning to blog, I really have, but things have been a little crazy. You should all thank Bobbie for poking me and getting me to write! Thanks Bobbie!


I'll give you a brief summary of the last few months:

After the show in Denver, I booked another show at a local Starbucks the Saturday after Thanksgiving. That show was cool because that was the first show my family had seen me perform live (they came up to Colorado for Thanksgiving).

About a week after that, I travelled for a job in New York- I think I was gone a littel over a week. i came back to Colorado for a few days then went to Texas for a job. After that, I came back to Colorado for a few days then left for Texas again to see my family for the holidays. I came back to Colorado and had one day to clean up before my college roommate came to visit. She was here for a week and we were both sick which was kind of funny. We went to a cool New Years Eve thing in down town Fort Collins where you could go see a bunch of different shows then there were fire works around 10pm ish. The event was non-alcoholic and ended early so people could move on to other parties. My favorite show was a Cirque-de-sole (sp?)type thing where they played with fire and did ribbon dancing. Very cool.
The day my old roommate left my girl ferret Fiona had to have surgery because she ate foam and had an intestinal blockage. That wasn't fun. I was really exhausted from the stress of Fiona's surgery and being sick and the traveling for the next week or two.
In mid-November, my friend and I drove down to Phoenix, AZ to meet my parents and some of their friends for a rock hounding adventure. My dad really really likes green and blue rocks. He picked up a ton of them. My parents didn't check any bags, so I got to take all the rocks home in the Jeep and ship the rocks back to my parents. One box contained a 23 lb rock.
It was neat to share one of my hobbies with my parents and be outdoors with them. Normally when I go home we just sit around and they watch movies and TV and stuff. I normally find something else to do. It's not exactly quality time.
My parents are planning to come up to Colorado for a rock hounding trip in August or September which I'm looking forward to. We also talked about going to Nevada which has a lot of Turquoise which my dad really really likes.
After coming back from Arizona I wasn't in a good place. I was homesick after spending time with my old roommate and my parents, and I had no energy or motivation to do anything. The anxiety which I had effectivly dealt with through counsseling while completeing my Master's was starting to return.
Around that time I decided that maybe I should start seeing a counselor again for a few reasons:

One- to deal with the anxiety that was creeping back into my life

Two- I wasn't adjusting to the move as well as I thought. I told myself- oh I'll start doing _____ again when my schedule levels out. You know what I realized? My schedule won't ever level out due to my wierd travel shedule, which is fine, I just need to find a way to deal with it

Three- I have lost my "connection" to the universe. I would have a hard time explaining exactly what that is, but I am unplugged and unhappy about it

Four- I feel like I dont have anyone to talk to here, and so I keep a ton of things bottled up that I shouldn't. I know that I could call several people back in Texas, which can be helpful sometimes, but it's very different than having someone you can talk to in person

After the first counseling session, I went to Missouri for a job. The weather was freaking miserable. The only thing that shuts our work down is lightning. There was a lightning storm on the first day that caused us to only complete two surveys. The next day, we had to do four surveys in a 14 hour day, which included such annoyances as our trailer locks being frozen shut, snow, and general grumpiness.

I got back from Missouri two days ago.

This morning, I booked a show at Starbucks for next Saturday. I went to Office Max to get some card stock for flyer printing later today. I installed drivers for my scanner so that it will work with Windows Vista (hopefully, haven't tried to run the scanner yet). In about half an hour I'm meeting a friend for lunch at Raising Canes Chicken- mostly beacuse it reminds my of when my old roommate and I would go eat there.

It times to make new memories with the people and places here in Colorado. Although I think fondly of my time in Nacogdoches, I need to stop living in those memories.

I'm healing myself through action and self-appreciation, and I'll be fine.

I didn't spend any time checking this blog for spelling or grammar errors, please excuse them.

Love to you all!

~bb~

(Thanks again Bobbie :p)