Once upon a moment just like this, there was a girl who was supposed to be packing for a trip to a small town in New York for a job. Coincedently enough, that small town, lets call it Faraway, was once the town she would have moved to with someone she loved very much.
Unfortunatley, the move to Faraway never happened, and the boy she loved very much never really loved her back, and didn't want her to go with him. Interestingly enough, he never moved to Faraway either.
So after much schooling, it was time for the girl to move away, and you know what? The boy would not go with her. Not COULD not, would not.
So the girl and the boy she loved very much were no more after the girl moved to a state 1000 miles away.
Earlier today:
The girl had just come back from a camping trip with someone she liked, someone who she could talk to and was kind to her. Later after returning from the camping trip, the girl went over to the boys' house to use his washer and dryer since her dryer was broken. She found that the closer she felt to him, the more memories of the boy she once loved very much came swimming in with out mercy. With memories swirling like a tornado around her, the girl drove home with her freshly laundered cloths and wondered why....
and the wondering ached. Her chest felt heavy, and her eyes felt watery, and she pondered on how she would get through the New York job without being a complete emotional basket case.
She started to wonder if maybe she shouldn't see the boy she liked as much any more, because the memories of the boy she once loved very much held her hostage sometimes. She didn't like the feeling of being in the arms of the boy she liked while being tormented by toughts of the one she once loved very much.
The girl didn't know what to do so she decided to write about it in order to release some pent up emotions in hopes that she would somehow feel better before she got to the airport. Speaking of the airport, one of the last, strongest memories of the boy she loved very much was saying good bye to him at the airport. It was very hard, and she cried most of the drive back home.
Now the girl stares at the computer screen wanting so much to be able to let go of the boy she once loved, but can't. The girl doesn't know why she can't let go.
"sometimes" She thinks...
"sometimes it feels like the strings of our hearts are sewn together"
She knows it has to do with a traumatic event that happened to the boy right before she moved. She couldn't help but just BE there for him, and love him completely with her heart totally unguarded and open. After the move, the cold cold realization set in that he was no longer hers- she was no longer his.
She knows that no one will ever be like the boy she once loved, for people are all individuals, but she wants someone like him SO BADLY. Or does she still want him?
The jury is still out on that one.
The girl has no answers, only an aching heart.
For you, gentle readers, the girl would like to share a song she wrote...
NOT QUITE A CINDERELLA STORY
I left you at the station
then I drove away
with tears in my eyes
cause I thought you would stay
It is cold here
I could sure use the warmth
of your smile
but your miles away
Chorus:
We talked it over
but the shoe just wont fit
so when I call you
your standing there
with nothing to say
The first star of the evening
has just appeared
you know what I wish??
I wish you were here
The clouds are rolling in
it looks like rain
and I'm left
with nothing to say
Chorus:
We talked it over
but the shoe just wont fit
so when I call you
you're standing there
with nothing to say
Bridge:
The fire is dying
It could use some more wood
I would go and find some
If I only could, if I only could
Chorus:
We talked it over
but the shoe just wont fit
so when I call you
you're standing there
with nothing to say
Oh you're standing there
with nothing left to say
Now I must go pack for New York. I hope the day finds you in a better place than I am in at the moment.
5 comments:
why did you have to go and make me cry first thing in the morning? i wish i had something clever to say that would make you smile, but in my experience, that kind of longing never completely goes away - you just kind of get used to living with it and you don't notice the pain as much. good luck in new york - tell my home state i said hi!
I'm sorry I made you cry first thing this morning! I will tell you home state that you say HI! I'm sure you're right- I don't think the longing will ever go away, but sometimes certain things happen- like this trip- that remind me of him and I feel worse for a while. Most of the time the longing isn't so bad....
miss marcy...i'm sorry to hear that your heart is still being tugged on by your feelings for a certain someone.
it's all still too new and fresh for you...just take your time in getting to know people and hopefully over time those heart pangs will be nice and dull.
*hugs*
Luckily, I came up to the school to check the internet. (moving has made me really sick and plus no internet connection right now :(
ANYWAYS...I'm so sorry to hear about your sadness. I may be getting hired on at Los Alamos again and would be closer to you!!
In other news...Every time I hear someone talk about New York I'm reminded of a wild kareoke night in Waco. There is a bar called Chapter 11 and there was singing this night. Apparently, people follow the karoeke people around and there was this little OLD lady that was singing New York, New York. She was awful....AWFUL and when she hit the high note at the end....IT's UP TO YOU NEW YORK, NEW YOOOOOORRRRRKKKKKK....my friend laughed out loud and before I knew what was happening I was hit in the head with a lime wedge! Her friend was sitting at the bar across from us and thought I was laughing I guess and proceeded to throw lime wedges at my head. It was insane, yet hilarious. We left for fear of our lives :)
Anyways, hope New York brings some happiness and laughter your way. Find a karoeke (i can't spell that to save my life) circus and have some fun!
I know this is kind of outdated, but the only way I know to make yourself feel better about this kind of thing is to make a mix tape. And by better: I mean worse, because that is how you want to feel and feel like everyone else is as sad as you, so you have to listen to music where everyone is sadder, drunker, lonelier, and crazier than you. Fortunately, there is a fine selection of songs out there to choose from. And by fine selection I mean: every song ever written. I am sorry you're feeling so sad; I have been known to be a monumental mess in times like these and in my experience, nothing tops a good cry. So take care of yourself, spend ample time wallowing, and as much as hearing this sucks: time will heal all wounds, or at least dull them comfortably. Lots of love to you Marcy!
Post a Comment