Questioning main stream relationship crap

I went to a halloween party last night. I got lots of comments on my headdress, which was two cornicopias zip tied together (will post pic at a later date).

One person was telling me how creative it was. Later he told me I'd be a great mom, to which I replied, if I choose to have children.

This started a whole conversation about relationships and children. The people I was talking were older, have been married decades, and have children.

They assured me that there was someone out there for me after I mentioned to them, more than once, that I wasn't concerned by that fact I hadn't met any one yet.

Granted, there have been many times where I have lamented not finding 'the one', but now is defintiely not one of those times.

Actually, when going through the paperwork for my house, I thought about how awesome it was that I didn't need anyone else to sign papers with me- I don't a second set of initials!

I'm in a very self-centered stage of my life right now...I'm glad I dont have to take someone else into consideration when I'm doing things, or thinking about doing them.

I see this stage as a very necessary defining of who I want to be moving forward and what things I will allow in my life. To me, this is a really healty, responisble thing to do.

I think it's a little sad that there is so much emphasis placed on being in a couple.

Frankly, being single effin' rocks right now!!!

I'm sure in the future I will change my mind about that, but currently it is good.

This is not a well developed post, but wanted to have something down so I could remember and ponder further in the future.

What would you say?

I recently read a note on my second cousins facebook page that directed the writer to:

List (20) things you want to say to 20 people. Don't say who they are.

It sounded like something I wanted to try, here it goes:

1. I wrote soooo many songs about you; I consider many of them some of my best

2. I really respect you and value your friendship

3. You must think we're similar but were not. Most of the time you get on my nerves.

4. If I weren't afraid you'd over react and of the drama you'd create, I'd tell you how negative you are and try and help you be more positive.

5. I miss you alot. I wish you lived closer.

6. I think the work you do is amazing. You've helped me so much this past year.

7. We don't talk much, and I wish I could talk to you more. I guess I just don't know what to say. I love and appreciate you.

8. You helped me become creative and goofy. I love you.

9. I realize you didn't want a whole lot to do with me growing up. I still think that's true now. I'll be here for you if you need me.

10. I wish you could have been around when I was growing up in Texas.

11. I wish you could have been around when I was growing up in Texas (repeated on purpose).

12. I'm sorry I was too young to understand what you were going through. I wish I would have talked to you more.

13. I can't believe you made me feel that way. I would have been miserable with you. Most of the things you said were lies, and I don't even know if you knew it. I'm glad we don't talk anymore.

14. I so hope you find what you're looking for, and that you sleep better!

15. You've been a great friend! I miss you when we go too long with out talking.

16. I'm so excited for you! I know you've wanted this for a quite a while! I'll help however I can.

17. Although exacerbating, I'm sort of glad you were lazy- it made me more determined to get on with my life!

18. I'm fascinated by your knowledge. I'm excited to know more and spend more time with you.

19. I'm excited to know you'll be guiding me in this new part of life. Knowing your there to answer questions is awesome.

20. You are so supportive. I don't know why I'm still so guarded. I'm afraid I'll disappoint you somehow.

I suck at telling people how I feel. This seems like a safe way to do it with out being 'too' out there!

Some big changes on the way!

I made an offer on a house!

The seller has signed the contract, but since it's a short sale the offer has to be approved by the bank. The bank should get back to me next week sometime.

Crazy!

I made a website for my business FINALLY! It's not very fancy yet, but it's there. Check it out and let me know what you think. Especially if you have suggestions!

The site is www.spiritedcreationsllc.com .

I adore the guy I'm dating.

Here's a picture:



Scott treats me better than any one I've ever dated. He's awesome. You would all like him very much.

Do you know he's built several miles on the continental divide trail?! Like actually got to decide where the trail went and everything?!?!?!?

I think that's awesome.

I'm going to the renaissance faire tomorrow in Larkspur with some friends of mine. It should be a good time, it's been a few years since I've gone to one.

Last week I started taking a course to enhance and develop my intuitive abilites. I've only been at it a week but I'm starting to notice some improvements.

I'm staying up too late again but I can't help it! I'm excited! I'm not driving tomorrow so maybe I can sleep on the way to the ren faire.

Have a great weekend everyone!

When did I 'grow up'?!

A few days before my 26th birthday, I decided it would be a good idea to look into buying a house. There were several reasons for this, including the tax credit and the sewage that periodically wells up in the down stairs sink.

Anyway, for the last two weeks I've been really gung-ho on looking for houses on the internet. It's all I've been doing after work, and since I normally equate computer research with work it feels like I've been working really long days for the past two weeks.

I didn't realize how hard it was lookng for houses! It seems like everytime I'm remotely interested in something, there is a pending contract. It's a little discouraging and irritating, but I guess that's how the game is played.

When I mentioned to someone recently that I was looking into houses, they said something like 'wow, your a grown up!'

I thought, oh shit! When did this happen?

One of the big reasons I started looking into houses was the tax credit, which equals money. I have tried hard not to let money be a main focus in my life.

I work hard, I get paid, I pay my bills, there's money left over for some fun stuff- I'm good with that. It was never a goal of mine to be a millionaire or anything. I really just want to be able to take care of myself.

Since I've moved to Colorado, I have vehemently said that I didn't need or want to buy a house of my own. I was also traveling quite frequently and felt like I would have to do everything alone. Both of those situations have changed.

I have neglected all sorts of relationships and life tasks the past two weeks while I was consumed with house hunting and I'm rather disgusted with myself for it.

I am someone who is very sensitive to outside energies, and sometimes it feels like I'm tapping into other energies when it comes to the whole house thing.

I don't need to own a house. A house wont comfort you when your down, or hold your hand or go on a hike with you. There isn't much of a relationship with a building.

While I believe buildings can have their own spirits and energies, it is not a replacement for a human connection.

I'm afraid getting too wrapped up in this and am loosing sight of the things that are truly important. At the moment this is completely evident to me. Sometimes it is not.

It's time for me to take a step back-from everything- and prioritize. This process can be greatly facilitated by keeping events in a day book and sticking to it- I know in the past it's been one of the only ways to keep myself straight and sane.

For me,it's always good to write these sorts of thougts out, it's helps to solidify my intentions.

Have a fabulous weekend everybody!

Quick Update

I realized I haven't blogged in a while!

Here's some random mind spew:

Beltania was AWESOME- 3 day pagan festival (it deserves it's own blog at some point!)

I got a reading done a while back that helped explain some of the trust issues I have. Apparently it's mostly past life stuff that I have to work through. Beltania helped me start to heal trust of community.

I was given lilacs last night...they are wonderful and purple and smell oh so nice.

I'm starting to get more creative again.

I'm coming out of a couple month funk ( :) )

Belly dancing is fun.

As of tomorrow at 4 a.m. (May 14th), I'll have been living in Colorado for 2 years!

Not all people play mind games (intentional or unintentional), and I have to learn to stop anticipating peoples reaction's to the things I do or say.

Lunch was really yummy- pasta primavera made with quinoa noodles....mmmmm

And now I have to get back to work!

Light and love to you all :)

Tea Party

I hosted my first tea party today! I was so excited to have my friends over- I know I really enjoyed myself, and I think everyone else did too:)

I think tea parties will become a regular thing at my house.

I hope everyone has a lovely Sunday!

GARRRR

I'm really frustrated. I just spent a freaking hour trying to figure out how to enter some things for my taxes. I am normally not that dense, but I've barely been sleeping lately.
I went to bed around 2am last night and was woken up by the bastard train conductor at 6:30am.
The past 3 or 4 nights I haven't been going to bed until around 1am and getting up around 7:45am.
Before that, I would "sleep" from about 11pm until about 7:45am. When I say sleep, I was technically not conscious, but I didn't really rest either.

When I wake up I feel like I can't get out of bed. When I finally do get out of bed I'm fine and am not particularly tired during the day, but I just don't feel right.

I'M SO FRUSTRATED WITH ME RIGHT NOW!

I can't put into words all the abstract thoughts that are floating by at the moment....I just want to feel normal again.

GARR:/

Turning over a new leaf

Warning: I will be rambling.

It's spring! Friday is the Spring Equinox, the day where light and dark are equal. Days following the equinox get longer, meaning more light! Plants are blooming, trees are budding, birds are singing...everything is coming to life again, and in a way I feel that I am also.
The past few weeks I've had the spring cleaning urge. This year I'm cleaning with Feng Shui principals in mind to get better chi into my house and into my life. I've been doing different Feng Shui fixes around the house the last few weeks and I'm really starting to notice a difference in the way I feel and the way events are happening.
While I'm enjoying cleaning the house and rearranging things, I think I've been staying too close to home. Some times I feel like I shouldn't leave the house...I almost feel guilty about it, as weird as that sounds.
Tonight I went swing dancing in Denver with a friend of mine. When he first asked if I wanted to go I was really hesitant- I figured I would be akward, it was a sunday night, and it was in Denver. After some prodding from a few people I decided to go, and I'm really glad I did. I wasn't akward at all! Actually I thought I picked up the moves pretty quickly and that I did pretty well. I can't remember the last time I had that much fun.
I feel like I am at a turning point now, I have been clearing out the old to make way for the new, and the new has started to roll in! The new is new people, new experiences, new strength, and new energy.

I'm excited! Lots of love to you alllllll:)

Self Perception

Self perception can be a touchy topic depending on the person. I don't believe myself to be particularly touchy about most things, but I must admit I'm a little...confused about somethings I recently saw on facebook.

Here's the deal, you add this image as a photo in a photo album then tag the little characters with your friends who most closely match the personalities listed.



In photo to the right I was tagged as the evil mastermind.



In the photo to the left I was tagged as the one that's up to no good.

Now, I don't think of my self as an evil mastermind, and I certainly don't believe that I'm always up to no good.

In fact, I'm a little bit hurt/offended.

I realize that this may sound a little silly, I mean, it's a stupid facebook thing, right?

Perhaps when those friends of mine who posted those photos remebered me having that personality trait back in the day, or it was just a funny thing to do, or there was no thought in it really....I don't know.

All I know is that the personalities picked out for me in no way reflect the person I am now or the person I am becoming.

Here's how I think of myself now: motivated, creative, responsible, giving, helpful, caring, encouraging, ambitious, loyal, and generally a good person. All the qualities I've listed are things I wanted to become and am still striving to accomplish.

I'm also impatient, occasionally obnoxious, a little tempramental, self doubting, and somewhat unorganized.

I'm not fishing for compliments here or asking for sympathy...I merely had to get this off my chest.

I'll be the first to admit that I have more thouroughly developed many of the better qualities after I left college, and that most people I talked to on the internet now don't know who I am now.

Thanks for listening. You may now return to your previously schedualed reading material:)

I do things at strange times...

I do things at strange times...like deciding to Feng Shui my bedroom starting at 11 pm. I get these ideas and can't wait to do them, I'm a little impatient I guess.

Lately (for the past month or so) I've had really low energy and low motivation, which is a little depressing. I know that in order to change the way I've been feeling, I've got to change what I'm doing.

On major change recently is that I am single. I think that this change will be good for me in a variety of ways, but the most important is that this will give me the time and space I need to re-center.

Today I realized that there are many stagnant things in my life that I need to let go of or change. That thought process eventually went to Feng Shui and how I've wanted to look at the Bagua (Feng Shui area map) in relationship to my space. I finally did that tonight, and after some online surfing, found out the the bedroom is one of the more important rooms in the house to make Feng shui friendly.
I've been wanting to rearrange my room for awhile anyway, so it seemed like a good time to mix things up.

As the ferrets watched intently and impatiently from their cage, I dragged and pulled my bedroom furniture in to areas where I thought they would go well. After a few iterations I came up with a configuration that seemed to work better then the way I had everything arranged orginally. Not all the placements are optimal, but my room wasn't neccesarily built to Feng Shui standards, so I count that as an improvement.

The two biggest and positive changes are removing a mirror that was right in front of my bedroom door and moving the bed out from underneath a window. Apparently the mirror infront of the door send chi right back out the way it came so chi wont circulate in and nourish the room. When sleeping underneath a window, chi from you body is sent out the window which can drain one of their energy.

I'm really interested to see how I sleep tonight. I changed the orientation of my bed from N-S to E-W, and when I have done that in the past I don't sleep well for a few nights.
I haven't been sleeping well for the past few weeks, so I'll gladly try my rom this way for a few nights if it will mean better sleep in the long run.

Another thing I noticed when moving things around is that I had a lot of crap in my room that I didn't realize was there- scraps of paper, loose change, hangers, dirty clothes....I suppose all of things were hiding in plain sight because I didn't think my room looked that bad.

It's now two and a quarter hours after I decided to rearrange and I'm pretty tired- I'll let y'all know how the first night of sleep goes!

Yay for word games!

I found a word game at B&N tonight that was 75% off. The grand total at check out was $6.66 (score!). The game is called word spot, it's sort of like boggle...but different. Anyway, I'm excited! I <3 word games!

In other news....

-I stuffed myself silly at olive garden with soup and salad

- Both loads of laudry got done

- Allergies and/or a head cold have finally invaded....grrr

- I'm wondering what would make a unique and creative gift for someone who will be in the hospital a few days? I couldn't think of much tonight except for fuzzy comfy socks(ideas gladly accepted.

- Garnet is an awesome energizing stone!


Soooooo.......I guess that's it for now!

Chocolate frosting covered memories....

of the way we were.......(it's a me and Patrice thing)

I was picking up and rearranging some things in my home office when I came across a leather journal. I used to write a ton and have a bunch of half filled journals, but I couldn't remember what was in that particular one so I opened it up to see what was in it.

When I went to field camp in 2003, I was shopping with some of the other girls and we saw these leather bound journals. We thought it might be fun to buy them and have people write in them, sort of like year books at the end of the school year.

What I found in my little leather bound journal was a snap shot of the end of field camp, after spending 6 weeks with the same 17 people out in the wilderness. As I read through each entry I was temporarily transported back 5.5 years. I could hear the voice and laughter of each author in my head.

The whole experience was intensly nostalgic. I miss camping with my geology buddies! Besides field camp, I went on many a field trip and camping trip with the people who also went to my field camp. I miss going to random road out crops and finding great rocks. I miss the days where going on a 5 day camping trip was required.

I've been camping twice in the past 1.75 years. I don't know any other geologists in Colorado. I worked so much last summer that when I was home, I was too tired to do anything.

My life is going in more directions than I ever thought possible. I don't regret the dicisions I made and the actions I took to get where I am now.
What I am realizing though is that I need to sit down and really evaluate the things I want in my life, and what priority those things will take. By nature I try to do everything, which is cool because I have done and tried a bunch of different things. I don't know if I will ever stop trying to everything, but I think I need to allow myself to take time for things like camping that I'd like to do a lot more of.

It's funny that just reading through that journal allowed me to totally change my perspective on my life in such a short time.

I'm thinking too much at the moment to write coherently...thanks for reading!

Quick lunch blog

I feel icky today. My boss muscle tested me...we think it's parasites. Perhaps the parasites are on all the broccoli I have been eating. I don't really know.

In other news, I am set to make the first official sale of jewelry for my company tomorrow. At 8 in the morning.

I am going rock climbing tonight. It will be the 1 year anniversary of the day I started climbing.

I'm feeling restless and have been for the past few days. No me gusta.

I like tea. I am going to go heat up some water before my break is over (it is the detox yogi tea, incase you were wondering...I heart Yogi tea.)

Piper, my bosses dog, just walked into my office. She is awesome, and so are all of you, dear readers.

Now, go forth and let us all heat water together! It shall be a wonderful and glorious moment when we will all drink tea as one and feel the healing tea energy wash over us.

Yes, I am feeling goofy. You like it. Alot.

Coconut Bliss

Coconut bliss is a creamy fabulous soy and dairy free frozen pint of heaven.

I am addicted.

Things for me to remember

I'm noticeing that I cycle through feelings of confidence and being overwhelmed when it comes to my business.
When I start to feel overwhelmed (like right now) I repeat certain phrases like mantras so I dont freak out.

I thought maybe if I wrote these phrases down...well, I don't know exactly what it's going to do, but at least all my phrases will be in one place.

-Not every thing has to be done RIGHT NOW

-Nothing is written in stone, I get to change my mind

-I can change my products to fit selling trends and the needs of clients

-I have a ton of people supporting this venture

-In the past few months, people have enthusiastically liked jewelry I have made for them

-I don't have to get all of my information out of books...my intuition works pretty well when I let it

-I will not be executed or publically embarrased if I happen to make a mistake on City, State, or Federal tax forms

-I can ask for help when filing City, State, and Federal tax forms

-Colorado has excellent small business resources that I should and will take advantage of

-Not everything has to be done RIGHT NOW (I do have a full time job and other responsibilities, I can't work on Spirited Creation tasks all the time) (I know I repeated this one...I say it more than the others)

-It's ok to relax every once in a while

-In this life, Spirited Creations is likely something I was meant to create. For this reason opportunites will come easily and obstacles will be minimal.


The word well is empty now. I am sufficently calmed enough to make it through the rest of my work day.

I hope you all are having a lovely day!

I did it

Spirited Creations, LLC is now registered with the State of Colorado!
I have an EIN number!
I feel a little nauseous....

There are some other forms I have to fill out and send off, but I think I can take care of those tomorrow.

Holy crap.